What’s the key to a successful relationship? Some say that truly is the “million-dollar” question! We go through a lot of the deeper soul work and shadow work in the Unlock Your Love Blocks® program to the blocks underlying some of the following keys.
But sometimes it can be a simple shift, with just a small tweak, acknowledgement or knowing from one or both partners, and maybe a slight shift in perception things can move dramatically. Other times there are deeper things at play. Here are 9 common key themes couple need to keep in mind for a successful partnership;
1. Quality Time
Without quality time together, your relationship will not survive. Aim to devote at least half an hour a night, and at least a couple of days a month when the two of you spend time exclusively together. Many parents constantly put their children first thinking that is what they “should” do now. This only leads to disconnection, resentment and misery at some point down the track. Whilst it is important for you to be great parents together and be there for your kids, your relationship is crucial for not just you and your partner’s happiness but for your kids as well. Put each other first, and from there you will parent beautifully together and your kids will love you for it.
2. Compromise
No one person should be getting what they want all the time. If this is the case in your marriage there are some deeper issues going on that need to be sorted. You both want to feel secure and have a voice within the relationship. Each partner should be able to put forward their needs and wants without feeling shame or judged about it in any way. A good relationship is built on compromise and a lot of give and take from both partners. Compromise brings the spice of life and lots of learning and experience around giving and receiving.
3. Love the Differences
We often attract those who vibrate an energy or embody the traits of what we need a little more of in ourselves. We admire these differences in the beginning but after some time in relationship it could be those very things that you loved that was different in the beginning that partners begin to get annoyed or even repelled by. Recognise that if you loved your partner because she was spontaneous and adventure loving in the beginning that her often running late is a part of that essence and who she is. That part of her that you fell in love with in the first place. What is it about your partner that you are getting annoyed about that is part of what you loved about them in the first place. Don’t try to change your partner. You fell in love with them just the way they are. Remember what you love.
4. Balance Beliefs around Money
Money is one of the top conflicts between most couples. For the relationship to work, you need to address your finances and maybe even work out a budget. Often one person is a spender and one is a saver; and often we have been raised with different ideals around money. We need a good healthy balance. Find what is going to work for you both around money; trial it for a while and try something else if it is not working. It is important to have your money stuff sorted between each other or this will be a never-ending source of tension and arguments.
5. Become a Great Communicator
Communication is vital to all healthy relationships. If you are lacking in this area you should seek to learn some skills immediately to improve your relationship. Learn to speak not only from your heart but from a place of responsibility for your own feelings, thoughts and actions. Communication also involves becoming a great listener. Not just to hear what the other person is saying but to truly understand where they are coming from. You might not agree with it, and even for some you may struggle to empathise with it, but learn to understand where and why the other person is where they are at. Listen to your partner and avoid blame and judgement. Manage your emotions through self-responsibility and don’t let them over rule your behaviour.
6. Communication is Vital to all Healthy Relationships
Listen to your partner and avoid blame and judgment. Don’t let your emotions dictate your behaviour. Remember just talking things over can help you to both have a deeper understanding of each other.
7. Sort out your Sex Life, if you are in a Romantic Relationship
There will be times when sex is put on the back burner. Communicate with your partner your expectations around sex and remember that for some people the way back to connect with each other is through sex and for others the way back to sex is through communication and connection (other forms of intimacy) outside of the bedroom before sex can happen. Sort this out with each other and come to a mutual agreement of how you are going to work this out.
8. Try to Keep your Dependence and Independence in Balance
Tell your partner how much you need them, but don’t get too dependent on them and cling to them all the time, as that can make your partner feel trapped. There may also be a huge burden being placed on your partner to make you feel happy when this is your responsibility. On the flip side of this, don’t allow your partner to think you don’t need them, by going or doing things without them all the time. Your partner needs to know that you do want to do things with them and spend quality time with them. If you do not feel this way and do not want to spend time with your partner there are other things at play that need to be immediately addressed. Try to keep a happy and healthy balance between time together and time apart.
9. Learn to Forgive
If you know you will never forgive your partner over something important, and feel the trust can never be regained then give yourself, and them a break and start again, with someone new. There is no point in putting yourself through more misery and pain.
10. Counselling or Coaching
Don’t ever think that going to counselling or coaching is a sign of a failed relationship! It can turn a bad relationship around and can also turn an average relationship into an excellent one. More and more people are turning to receive counselling and coaching today than ever before. It shows you are both prepared to try and make things better, which can’t be a bad thing at all.
The fact remains, that whether you’re dating or married, relationships require some work at various times and sometimes every day. It takes 100% commitment from both of you.
However, healthy and long-lasting relationships are achievable and many couples have proven just that. Not everything is always going to be perfect but if you both choose to make it work then it can. And remember it’s the little things that you sometimes do that can go a long way to making your relationship work.
Soul Love
Rebecca-Lee
