Have you ever found yourself in a relationship with someone who just can’t seem to meet you emotionally? You’re craving closeness, but they pull away. You try to connect, but something about them feels… closed. Maybe they avoid deep conversations, stay busy all the time, or get defensive when things feel too intimate. It can leave you wondering: Is this about me? Or are they just emotionally unavailable?
But what if we looked at this dynamic differently — not just through a psychological lens, but through the soul?
In my work as a soul coach and creator of the Unlock Your Love Blocks® program, I often meet clients struggling with partners who seem unreachable. These aren’t just patterns of avoidance; they are often protective shields built across generations, shaped by ancestral trauma, emotional pain, and energetic blockages in the chakras.
Let’s unpack this.
Emotional Unavailability Isn’t Just a Behaviour — It’s a Survival Strategy
Some people learn early in life that feelings are unsafe. Maybe they had emotionally distant parents. Maybe they were punished for crying. Maybe they carried burdens they were too young to hold, like being the parent to a parent (a pattern called parentification).
When someone is emotionally unavailable, they’re not broken. They’re protecting something tender. And often, they don’t even know they’re doing it.
Here are some common defensive behaviours that show up in emotionally unavailable people, especially when they’re operating from unconscious soul-level patterns:
- Emotional numbness or shutdown (often a heart chakra block)
- Overworking or staying busy to avoid stillness and feelings (sacral + solar plexus)
- Controlling behaviours as a way to create false safety (base chakra)
- Parenting others but not letting anyone in (solar plexus + heart distortion)
- Scapegoat or black sheep roles in their family systems, where they learned love was conditional or inconsistent (root, third eye and/or crown disconnection)
These behaviours can be frustrating to deal with in a relationship. You might start feeling like you’re the problem. Or that you need to work harder to be loved. But here’s the truth:
Their walls are not your fault. And your longing isn’t a weakness.
Why We Attract Emotionally Unavailable Partners
We tend to attract relationships that mirror something our soul is trying to resolve. If you’ve ever dated a string of people who couldn’t meet you emotionally, it might be worth asking:
- Where did I first feel emotionally unseen or abandoned?
- What part of me believes I have to work for love?
- Have I confused longing with love?
Many people carry the belief that love means earning it — by being good, perfect, skinny enough, attractive, successful, pleasing. These are deep distortions in the third eye chakra, where we stop seeing our worth clearly and start seeking validation outside of ourselves.
You might also feel stuck in longing. Longing to be seen, to be chosen, to be loved the way you know in your bones you deserve. But that longing itself can keep you cycling through painful dynamics, especially if you’re projecting that deep ache onto someone who can’t (or won’t) meet you there.
The Real Question: What Is This Pattern Here to Teach You?
In Unlock Your Love Blocks®, we don’t just look at the behaviour. We go deeper. We explore:
- Your ancestral inheritance (what was passed down to you unconsciously)
- Your soul contracts (why your soul may have chosen this lesson)
- Your energetic blocks in the chakra system (how your energy is shaping your relationships)
What I’ve seen time and again is that emotionally unavailable partnerships often arrive to awaken something in you. They invite you to:
- Break inherited patterns of emotional silence or self-abandonment
- Learn to receive love, not just give it
- Heal your inner child who still believes love has to be earned
- Come home to your true self, your own soul’s worth and radiance
You Can’t Fix Someone, But You Can Free Yourself
This part is hard to hear, but necessary: you can’t love someone into emotional availability. You can’t rescue them from their walls. What you can do is choose your own healing. Start with yourself. Ask:
- Where do I abandon my own emotional needs?
- Where am I overly tolerant of emotional scraps?
- Where have I mistaken chemistry for intimacy?
When you start healing your own energy field and releasing ancestral entanglements, your relationships shift. You stop trying to be chosen, and start choosing yourself. You start seeing clearly who is actually emotionally available — not just charming or presentable.
And if you’re partnered with someone who is willing to do the work, there is hope. Emotional availability can grow, especially in relationships rooted in love and mutual respect. But both partners need to want it.
If This Resonates…
If you’ve been in this pattern, I want you to know you’re not alone. You’re not broken. You may just be stuck in an energetic loop that’s ready to break.
Start small.
Start with compassion.
Start by noticing what your soul is trying to teach you through this experience.
And if you’re ready to explore this on a deeper level, my Unlock Your Love Blocks® program is here for you. It’s not just another course on love — it’s a soul-level healing journey to help you release the blocks, patterns, and ancestral stories that are holding you back from true intimacy.
Or if you’d prefer a personal touch, this week only you can book an energy reading with me. I offer a $27 snapshot reading, or a deeper $100 reading where we unravel the pattern and align your energy with the love you desire.
Because you deserve real love. Not just someone who shows up, but someone who sees you. And it starts with seeing yourself.
With love
Rebecca-Lee
