There’s a quiet but powerful force that shapes many of our patterns in love, life, and self-worth — and most people never even realise it’s there.
It’s the unconscious loyalty to the parent who was excluded.
In every family system, there are often one or more people who are judged, shamed, cut off, or rejected — either openly or silently. This could be a parent who was abusive, absent, emotionally unavailable, mentally unwell, or simply didn’t meet expectations. Sometimes the exclusion is culturally reinforced (“He was never a real father”), or subtly passed down (“We don’t talk about your mother in this house”).
But here’s what happens energetically:
The child — out of deep soul loyalty — will often bond with the excluded one.
Even if that parent caused pain. Even if the child swears, “I’ll never be like them.”
Underneath the words, the system is doing something else. The child may begin to carry that parent’s burdens, repeat their fate, sabotage their own joy, or unconsciously reject the other parent in order to remain loyal to the one who was left behind.
This is not conscious.
This is systemic. It is how, as Soul’s, we are constantly working towards bringing order back to the system, and for every Soul to have their “place” in the system. It is when every Soul in the system is at their peak and most optimal vibration.
It’s how the soul tries to rebalance what was fragmented — even at the cost of our own peace, relationships, and future.
We see it play out in so many ways:
- The woman who keeps choosing emotionally unavailable men, just like the father she vowed never to become like.
- The man who can’t step into his power because he’s entangled with a mother who never felt good enough.
- The adult child who feels guilty when they thrive, because the excluded parent never got that chance.
What we resist, persists. We must open our heart to acknowledge what is. Not reject it.
It comes with a deep sense of understanding the dynamics of why we come to this realm as souls in this life. It is not about being perfect or virtuous. It is about learning, integration and expansion beyond our mind’s comprehension. The ego keeps everything right and wrong to try and have order and to protect.
In this work — Family Constellations and soul-based system healing — we’re not looking to blame or shaming someone for the role they played, even when for some of the experiences some of you have had may have been brutal. Soul level healing isn’t about making anyone “wrong.” It is a real leap in consciousness to be able to do this level of work. I get it.
Instead, we look to restore right order on a soul level. We give every person in the family system a rightful place — not because they were perfect, but because they existed, and we are all learning something from the experience that we were destined to work through. And when we do this, the loyalty that we are unconsciously playing out to try and restore this soul level healing no longer needs to play out through pain or sabotage.
We are freed to love — not from guilt, not from survival — but from wholeness.
We go into this deeply in the Unlock Your Love Blocks® program, and you’ll see it ripple through every other layer of the journey.
If you’ve felt stuck in painful relationship patterns…
If you’ve done so much inner work and still hit the same walls…
It might not be about your mindset.
It might be about your loyalties.
It’s not about cutting cords.
It’s about reweaving love back into the system.
And you are up for it. Because I believe you are here reading this because you have chosen to. You are a chain breaker. And this will be one of the biggest pieces of work you do this lifetime.
Sending Love
Rebecca-Lee
If you are interested in signing up for my Unlock Your Love Blocks® program
If you would like to take the opportunity to sign up for some personal insight from me first before diving deeper, then you can purchase a Mini Soul Session or a Deeper Dive Soul Session. You will be emailed direct guidance within a week.
