Have you ever looked back on a relationship and wondered, “Why did I act that way?” or “Why did I tolerate so much?” or “Why did it hurt that deeply?”
Here’s what I’ve seen time and time again in my sessions, and in my own life:
We often don’t choose our partners with our adult selves.
We choose with our inner child — the part of us still reaching for something it didn’t receive.
Reactivity Isn’t Random — It’s a Wound Repeating Itself
Emotional reactivity in relationships isn’t just about the present moment.
It’s usually a sign that your inner child has been activated — that old, unhealed part of you that was once ignored, abandoned, or rejected.
So when you get flooded with emotion or lash out with ultimatums like “I’m leaving” or “I can’t do this anymore,” it’s not necessarily your wise adult speaking.
It’s the child inside crying out: “Stop me. See me. Make me matter.”
When We Replace Our Parents With Our Partners
When wounds with our parents go unhealed, we don’t just carry the pain — we carry the pattern.
We unconsciously project our unmet childhood needs onto romantic partners. The mother who didn’t nurture us becomes the emotionally unavailable woman we try to win over. The father who wasn’t present becomes the man we keep chasing approval from.
And so the relationship becomes a reenactment.
Each person trying to “fix” what they couldn’t resolve in childhood — not with awareness, but with desperation.
One partner might cope by withdrawing or going cold — hoping that silence will bring the other closer.
Another might act out, threaten to leave, or bring in a third party — not to destroy the bond, but to provoke a response, to feel significant.
Underneath these dynamics is a soul-level ache: “Please validate me. Please show me I matter.”
Your Soul Isn’t Trying to Punish You — It’s Trying to Complete Something
These patterns are not punishments. They are attempts at resolution.
Your soul is always seeking completion — a way to feel what it couldn’t back then, and to finally come into wholeness.
But the truth is, no partner can fully meet the need that your mother or father didn’t.
And it’s not their job to.
What your inner child is truly longing for is acknowledgment, grief, and a safe space to feel.
This is why in my Unlock Your Love Blocks® work, we say: the only way out of these repeating loops is through grief and integration — not logic, not forcing “communication,” and not jumping to the next partner hoping they’ll be different.
The Way Out: Sadness, Soul Truth, and Reclaiming Your Power
The healing begins when you stop blaming your partner (or yourself)… and start witnessing the root of the pain.
Let yourself feel what your child self couldn’t at the time.
Cry the tears you’ve been holding for decades.
Grieve what was never said, what was never given.
Let go of the fantasy that someone else will “finally” fix it.
Because when you do, something profound happens:
You stop choosing from emptiness.
You stop settling for familiar pain.
You start building love from wholeness — not hunger.
What This Means for Your Healing Journey
This is the soul work we dive into in the Unlock Your Love Blocks® program:
Together, the keys in this program help you unravel what isn’t yours, return to your centre, and learn how to meet your own needs with presence, strength, and compassion.
Because when your inner child feels truly seen — not by a partner, but by you — everything changes.
