Sometimes exclusion isn’t a choice—it’s survival.
When someone you should have been able to trust hurts you, again and again, the only way forward can feel like shutting the door. Maybe it was your mother who could never meet you with love. Maybe it was your father’s absence. Maybe it was a partner whose betrayal broke something in you that couldn’t be repaired.
And in those moments, cutting someone out feels like the only way to keep breathing. Protecting yourself is valid.
But here’s the truth: the soul doesn’t forget.
What’s pushed out of sight doesn’t disappear—it gets passed down, acted out, or turned inward. The price we pay is often guilt. Quiet, buried guilt that bleeds into the corners of life until you’re left wondering why love feels distant, why success slips away, or why everything feels like a constant uphill battle.
In Family Constellations, we say: what is excluded will find a way back in. Not always directly—but often through sabotage, illness, failed relationships, or that haunting sense of “I’m not allowed to have this.”This is especially true when the exclusion comes from unresolved pain with our mother or father.
Let’s get real.
When we reject our mother, we don’t just cut off from a person—we cut off from the flow of love, nourishment, and abundance itself. If the story inside is, “She didn’t give me what I needed,” then life keeps mirroring that wound. We find ourselves in relationships with emotionally unavailable partners. We sabotage good things before they can take root. We feel undeserving of care.
When we reject our father, the wound goes straight into our sense of power and safety. It shows up as fear of leadership, struggle with purpose, and a distrust of life itself. Often, when we hold back from stepping fully into who we are, the echo of our father’s absence or pain is behind it.
And here’s the kicker: exclusion isn’t always dramatic. It can look like quietly making one parent the villain. Never speaking of someone again. Bypassing the grief. Pretending it doesn’t matter.
But the soul remembers.
And when we don’t give space to what was missing, we carry the weight of it—or we pass it down. Some take it out through control. Some through collapse. Others through self-harm, consciously or unconsciously trying to atone for what wasn’t resolved.
This is where the concept of “taking in” becomes essential. To “take in” doesn’t mean condoning, reconnecting, or forgiving the unforgivable. It means recognising: this person belongs to my system. My life came through them. They are part of the story, whether I like it or not.
Taking in is a soul movement that whispers: I see you. I take what you could give. The rest stays with you. It is this internal reordering that restores the flow of love and strength in your system. Because what we reject, we stay tied to. What we include, we can finally be free from.
This is what Key 1 of Unlock Your Love Blocks® is all about: bringing what was excluded back into right order, so love, purpose and abundance can flow again. So you can belong to your own life—not stay trapped in an invisible contract with the past.
The truth is this: until we turn back and take in what was, we can’t move forward into what could be. Healing doesn’t mean agreeing with what happened. It means finding your place in the system, no longer rejecting or idealising, but seeing with soul eyes. Saying: Yes, this too belongs.
Because only then can you truly receive love. Only then can you stop pushing away the very things you crave: abundance, partnership, vitality, purpose.
This work isn’t about blame—it’s about truth. And truth, when met with love, sets you free.
Love Rebecca-Lee
Check out my Unlock Your Love Blocks® program here
