If you often feel that you are needing something from your lover and not getting it, and/or feel constantly disappointed by friends or family letting you down then keep reading. You are not alone.
Generally, what is happening and what we are seeking from our relationships is something we need to learn to give to ourselves. Once you can get through the barrier of acknowledging this a lot of things will begin to make sense and you can get to work on opening to a constant flow of love in your life.
If you don’t love yourself, truly, you will be constantly seeing the ways that your partner and others don’t love you. Most relationship problems are due to a lack of self-love and too many of us put the burden for us to feel happy, loved, and secure on to our partners without taking on any responsibility for ourselves. It’s a hard pill to swallow. But we all need to hear it. It is too easy to put the responsibility for our happiness and feeling loved on to another.
In fact, it is so prevalent in most relationships it is why I created the Unlock Your Love Blocks® program over ten years ago. When you don’t love yourself you are not open to give and receive love. Period. There are things within you that are blocking you from giving to yourself and others and from receiving. Your partner could be loving on you in so many ways and you just cannot see it. Most people cannot see that what they need is something that they need to give to themselves – and that is loving the Self. No one else can do that for you or give that to you. When you are not loving yourself you can and will be tempted to demand what you need from others, mostly your partner. Most of the time people don’t even know what it is they need, and their partners can run themselves ragged tyring to appease their lover.
Many people don’t even know that they are lacking in self-love until they are in relationship. Relationships mirror or trigger exactly where it is we need to heal and grow.
A lack of self-love usually starts out in childhood with neglectful or critical or abusive parents or siblings. We grow up thinking we are not worthy of love unless we behave in certain ways or do certain things. We learn to believe that unless we are a certain way that is appeasing to others than we are not able to receive love.
What is really difficult, is a relationship where both partner’s lack self-love. You will know this is true when you know your partner says you don’t do or give things that they would like and they complain about you. Perhaps you have the same arguments over and over again about the same issues and nothing ever gets resolved. Your stuck, no matter how much you both say things will change.
You are both stuck in a cycle of co-dependency: that is you do this for me to feel happy and I will do this for you to feel happy. It completely disempowers you and places all the power of your happiness in your partner’s hands. When you recognise this you can see how toxic this can become between partners.
I was raised with this pattern in relationship. My parents were stuck here as were their friends and all the family members I could see around me. On reflection of my previous relationships, I could see how my complete lack of self-love and worth left me putting not only the power but the burden and responsibility of my happiness on my partners. It’s too much to be responsible for someone else’s happiness.
I realised early enough that no one else, not even my partners were responsible for my happiness or being something they were not or could not be in order to please me and vice versa. I learnt a lot after my first major relationship. For a couple of years, I reflected on myself and who I was and what made me happy and then I met my now husband. We have now been together for 20 years.
I’m convinced that if I hadn’t learned how to love myself (and my husband didn’t learn to love himself) our relationship would have been over long ago. I would have disappointed him and he would have disappointed me and we no doubt would have blamed each other for not being who we expected each other to be.
No doubt other things come into play for relationships, but at its foundation, both partners need to embody and practice self-love. No matter what relationship problems you are currently facing, learning to love yourself is the first point of call. When you take care of this you will be stronger and clearer to address the other problems; some of them may even just disappear.
If you want to learn more about unlocking your blocks to loving yourself then join me in my Unlock Your Love Blocks® program. 𝐈’𝐦 𝐨𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐊𝐞𝐲 𝟏 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐔𝐧𝐥𝐨𝐜𝐤 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐜𝐤𝐬® 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐦 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐅𝐑𝐄𝐄 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐡. Sign up here.
Soul Love
Rebecca-Lee
